Guest Blog - You Don't Need Fixing, You Just Need Supporting

Photo credit - @Hannastrongcreates

One of the things I value most, both as a coach and in life, is looking beyond the surface. Whether we're talking about our careers, confidence, wellbeing or health, lasting change rarely comes from trying to "fix" ourselves. It comes from understanding what we need and giving ourselves the right support.

That's why I'm delighted to welcome Nutritional Therapist and Health Coach, Amy Emery as a guest contributor to the blog. Amy works with women to help them understand the connection between nutrition, hormones, stress and the nervous system, taking a compassionate, evidence-based approach that meets people where they are. In this thoughtful piece, she explores why so many of us feel we need fixing and why support, curiosity and self-compassion are often the most powerful place to begin. I hope you enjoy this read.

A few weeks ago, on a call with a client, I said something without really thinking about it. She's a busy mum of three, juggling a lot, trying to eat better and feel stronger without it tipping into another thing she had to get right. I said, "You don't need fixing, you just need supporting," and the call moved on. I didn't think anything more of it.

A few weeks later, she emailed to tell me how things had been going. She'd been making small, conscious changes: cooking from scratch more, swapping in homemade snacks instead of reaching for whatever was easiest. She'd seen the physio I'd recommended for some hip pain and was already feeling stronger. She also mentioned that she'd lost half a stone and that what mattered to her wasn't the number but that it had happened naturally, without the guilt and feelings of deprivation that usually came with trying to change anything about her body.

Then she said that one sentence, about not needing fixing, had stayed with her every day since. That it made the whole process feel less overwhelming.

I've turned that over a lot since reading her email. Partly because I'd forgotten that I'd said it and partly because I don't think it's just her story. I think it's how a lot of us feel inside: like something about us needs correcting before we're allowed to feel okay. As though the tiredness, the low mood, the ache in our bodies, are proof that we're getting something wrong, rather than simply part of being human.

There's a hack, a protocol, a five-step plan for almost everything now. Feeling flat gets a morning routine. Feeling anxious gets a breathing technique. And somewhere along the way, discomfort itself started to feel like a problem to solve rather than something to simply notice and sit with.

I understand the appeal of trying to fix things. I spent years doing it myself, chasing the next answer for whatever symptom had shown up that month, convinced that if I just got it right, everything would settle. But somewhere in that search, I started to wonder what would happen if I let some things just be what they were. If tired could just mean tired, for a while, without needing to become a project. If a low day could simply be a low day, rather than a sign I should be doing something differently. It took me a long time to realise that the constant fixing wasn't separate from the problem. It was the problem.

You can't heal a stressed body

Here's what years of working with women's hormones, nervous systems and stress responses has taught me. A body that's constantly being monitored, corrected and optimised doesn't feel safe. And a body that doesn't feel safe can't do its job properly.

That's true physiologically, your nervous system can't downshift into rest and repair while it's stuck in problem-solving mode. But I think it's true emotionally too, when every wobble, every low day, every flicker of anxiety gets treated as evidence that you're falling behind on yourself, there's no room left to just be a person having a hard week.

Support looks different to fixing

Fixing says something is wrong with you and here's how to correct it. Supporting says something is happening for you and let's understand it together.

One keeps you in a permanent state of self-correction. The other gives you somewhere to land.

In practice, this might mean asking what a feeling of tiredness is trying to tell you, instead of reaching straight for the caffeine or trying to summon willpower. It might mean noticing that the anxious feeling before a big week isn't a flaw to override but information about what you need more of: rest, clarity, boundaries, reassurance. It's slower than fixing but it's also the only version of this work that truly lasts.

You don't need a new protocol. You need to get curious about what's going on, with a bit of compassion instead of urgency.

Next time something feels off, try sitting with it for a moment before reaching for the fix. Ask what it might be pointing to, rather than how fast you can make it go away.

You might find, like my client did, that the thing you needed all along wasn't fixing. It was someone, even just yourself, willing to listen first.