Imagine this - you’ve created the most beautiful garden. You’ve chosen every flower, tended to it daily, and it’s finally in full bloom. But now, your dogs are trampling through it. Not because they’re malicious, but because you never put up a fence.
This is what life without boundaries looks like.
Boundaries aren’t walls to keep people out. They’re fences to protect what matters most: your time, energy, and values. Without them, the things you cherish can get overrun.
Why Boundaries Matter
Psychologists like Gabor Maté explain that boundary issues often stem from a fear of rejection or conflict. But here’s the truth - saying no to others often means saying yes to yourself. Research shows that setting clear boundaries reduces stress and strengthens relationships. People feel more secure when they know where they stand.
Lack of boundaries, on the other hand, can leave you feeling exhausted and others feeling untethered. Even children thrive with boundaries because they provide predictability and safety.
What Boundaries Look Like
In your work life, boundaries could mean blocking out “do not disturb” times to focus on important tasks. In your family life, boundaries might involve setting clear expectations, such as having uninterrupted family dinners. Personally, boundaries can look like prioritising self-care, whether that’s taking a quiet walk or saying no to additional commitments that overwhelm you.
I didn’t always set boundaries at work. I was the go-to busy person – the one people would ask because they knew I’d say yes. I don’t like saying no, so I’d end up with a stacked-out day, watching colleagues enjoy their lunch breaks while I powered through. Eventually, I spoke to my manager, explained I was at capacity, and enlisted their support. I practiced saying no – starting with emails, then face-to-face. To my amazement, I realised I didn’t need to give a backstory. A simple, clear sentence was enough, and it was respected.
How to Say No (with kindness)
Saying no doesn’t have to feel harsh. Here are some phrases you could try - “I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now.” or “Thank you for thinking of me. I’m not able to take that on, best of luck with it though.”
Start Small
As I always say, start small. Choose one area of your life where you feel stretched too thin and ask yourself -
What’s the boundary I need?
What’s stopping me from setting it?
How can I communicate it clearly?
Protecting Your Energy
When you set boundaries, you’re not just protecting yourself – you’re teaching others how to treat you and helping relationships thrive. So, this week, take one step to protect your energy. Trust me, your garden will thank you.
As Gabor Maté says, “Boundaries are not something you set to offend or push others away; they’re something you set to respect yourself.”
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