When Values Aren’t What They First Seem - and Why That Matters at Work

Photo credit: Stories by Chloe

What’s important to you about the work you do, and how often do you really stop to consider whether your values are reflected in the way you live and work each day?

In coaching conversations, this question often opens the door to far more than career goals or productivity strategies. It brings us into the quieter, more revealing territory of meaning, identity, and belonging and it is here that many clients begin to recognise a subtle but persistent discomfort in their working lives that they’ve struggled to name.

In a recent coaching session, we were exploring values together, and my client instinctively dismissed a couple of words from her list almost as soon as she saw them. There was an immediacy to the rejection, a sense of ‘that’s not me,’ which is something I see often. Rather than moving on, I asked her what those words actually meant to her, and as she began to explain, it became clear that it wasn’t the values themselves she was rejecting, but the deeply personal meaning she had attached to them over time.

This is something I find endlessly fascinating in my work as a coach. Words are rarely neutral. A value that feels fairly benign or even positive to one person can carry emotional weight, discomfort, or resistance for another, shaped by past experiences, workplace cultures, family expectations, or unspoken rules about what is acceptable to want or prioritise. What I interpret as a neutral word may be loaded with meaning for someone else, which is why I always make a point of asking clients what a value means to them, rather than assuming we share the same definition.

When we take the time to slow down and explore this together, it often uncovers meaningful avenues for reflection, sometimes in unexpected and enlightening ways. Values work, done properly, is rarely about ticking boxes or choosing the ‘right’ words; it’s about uncovering the truth beneath the language.

I’ve had to do this work myself. Years ago, when I first explored my own values, I rejected the word beauty almost immediately. It felt superficial, indulgent, and at odds with how I wanted to see myself. And yet, there was a quiet contradiction there, because I have always loved being surrounded by things that feel considered and nourishing - flowers on the table, thoughtful spaces, colour, texture, nature, and objects that invite a sense of presence. At the time, I dismissed this as a preference rather than a value, telling myself it didn’t really count.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the dictionary definition of beauty, which describes it as “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.” On the surface, that seemed to reinforce my original judgement, but when I reflected more deeply on what beauty meant to me, something else emerged. What I was actually describing was a visceral response; moments of awe and wonder, a deep emotional connection to the world around me, and a sense of being moved in a way that brought me fully into the present moment. Sitting alongside this was another of my core values: joy. Beauty, I realised, wasn’t shallow at all. It was a gateway to joy, meaning, and aliveness. What I had been rejecting wasn’t the value itself, but the story I had inherited about what that word was allowed to mean.

This matters deeply in the context of work and wellbeing, because when our values are misunderstood, ignored, or forced to fit into someone else’s framework, they can quietly work against us. Many of us are driven by values such as commitment, responsibility, care, and excellence, and these are often celebrated in the workplace, until they tip into over-functioning, people-pleasing, and self-sacrifice. When our sense of worth becomes entangled with our work, and our values become the very reason we push beyond healthy limits, the risk of burnout increases significantly.

Burnout is not simply about being busy or overwhelmed. It is recognised as an occupational workplace syndrome, emerging from chronic stress that has not been effectively managed, and women are disproportionately affected. Misalignment between personal values and workplace culture is a major contributing factor, particularly when we feel we have to mask parts of ourselves, dilute what matters to us, or ‘fake it’ in order to belong.

This is why exploring your values and the meanings you attach to them is not a self-indulgent exercise, but a foundational part of sustainable work and life design. When you take the time to understand what your values truly represent to you, you become better able to recognise when they are being honoured, stretched, or quietly violated. You begin to notice when something feels off, not because you’re failing, but because something important to you is out of alignment.

So, if you find yourself feeling drained, disengaged, or quietly dissatisfied at work, it may be worth asking not what you need to fix, but what your values are trying to tell you. Get curious about the words you’ve chosen, and especially about the ones you’ve rejected. Question the definitions you’ve inherited. Allow yourself to embrace values that feel meaningful to you, even if they don’t fit neatly into a workplace narrative.

When you learn to recognise and accept your values on your own terms, you give yourself permission to live and work in a way that feels more honest, more grounded, and far more sustainable and that, in itself, is a powerful act of self-leadership.