Navigating the Empty Nest: How to Be Kind to Yourself Through Life’s Transitions

I’ll never forget the morning my youngest walked into school for the very first time. Standing at the gate, I had this strange sense that I was teetering on the edge of something vast and unknown, a bit like staring into the crater of a volcano. Part thrill, part dread. For the first term, I revelled in the peace (I even enjoyed drinking a hot cup of tea while it was still hot). But by Christmas, the silence had grown heavy, and I felt restless. That’s when I signed up to go back to university and train as a teacher.

The irony? Within a year, I was standing in a classroom teaching my youngest child in Year 1. A bit extreme, perhaps, but it reminded me how often new chapters carry a mix of fear and possibility and how, if we lean into them, they can shape us in unexpected ways.

Years later, when my eldest prepared to leave for university, I felt that same churning of emotions. A heavy heart interspersed with pride and excitement. I made a conscious effort to really enjoy her company in the year leading up to her leaving because I’d read countless accounts from other mums saying ‘they’ve already left you in that last summer.’ I didn’t want to miss my chance and when the day arrived, I felt as prepared as I could. And yet, I still cried all the way home, three hours of tears and a speeding ticket later.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the grief. It lingered quietly in the background for months, only softening as Christmas came and new rhythms settled in. That was when I realised that the empty nest isn’t just about them leaving. It’s also about us adjusting - mentally, emotionally, and even physically.

Why transitions feel so unsettling

Psychologists tell us that change triggers our brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, which interprets uncertainty as a threat. That’s why even positive milestones, like children starting school, secondary, or university, can leave us feeling wobbly. Our identity shifts too because for years, being mum has been our central role, and suddenly it looks different.

But there is hope in that our brains are also wired for adaptation. By consciously naming our emotions, preparing ourselves, and reframing what this stage means, we can move through the turbulence and find balance again.

Here are six gentle but powerful strategies to help you navigate the empty nest with kindness.

1. Feel the feelings — and name them

When my daughter went off to university, the flood of emotions caught me by surprise. Grief, pride, excitement, loss - they all arrived at once. The most helpful thing I did was to name them.

Research in psychology calls this ‘affect labelling’ - the simple act of naming our emotions helps reduce activity in the amygdala and calms our nervous system. In other words, when we put words to our feelings (‘ feel anxious,’ ‘I feel proud,’ ‘I feel sad’), our brain begins to soothe itself.

So instead of brushing emotions aside, try journaling or simply saying aloud what’s there. Naming emotions doesn’t make them vanish, but it helps them feel more manageable.

2. Be prepared - don’t wait until the day

When my daughter was in sixth form, I made a conscious choice to savour that last year at home. We carved out moments together - a coffee here, a chat there - knowing that soon those everyday moments would be gone. By the time moving day arrived, I still cried (a lot), but I wasn’t blindsided.

Visualisation, talking openly with friends, and even planning a farewell ritual can make these transitions less of a shock. Think of it as training your mind to face what’s coming, rather than bracing against it.

3. Make plans for you

When the house fell silent after my youngest started school, it felt strange. But that space eventually nudged me into action - back to university, chasing something new.

Transitions always create a gap, and unless we fill it intentionally, it can feel like emptiness. Whether it’s picking up a hobby, starting a class, or finally doing the thing you’ve been putting off, making plans for you is vital. This isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. Studies show that having a sense of purpose outside of parenting strengthens resilience and wellbeing.

4. Stay connected - but give space

With older children, it’s tempting to cling on, texting every hour or waiting anxiously for updates. But the healthiest relationships balance closeness with independence. Research into attachment tells us that secure bonds aren’t about constant contact, they’re about knowing that love and connection remain, even with distance.

Agree on a rhythm of communication (a weekly call, a daily text) but trust the bond you’ve built. It allows your child to grow while keeping your relationship strong.

5. Reframe the transition as growth

The empty nest is often painted as an ending, but in truth, it’s also a beginning for both you and your child. Reframing this time as growth helps shift your mindset from loss to possibility.

Ask yourself: What does this stage make possible for me? Write down three opportunities this change offers. For me, it was rediscovering the joy of learning, taking up gardening again, and eventually stepping into coaching. These weren’t consolation prizes - they were new chapters in their own right.

6. Be gentle with your timeline

It took me months to feel settled after my daughter left for university. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and neither does adjustment. Some parents bounce back quickly, others take longer. There’s no ‘right’ pace.

Self-compassion is key. Psychologists like Kristin Neff emphasise that treating ourselves with kindness in moments of difficulty reduces stress and builds resilience. So instead of berating yourself for ‘not coping,’ remind yourself this is natural, and healing takes time.

A final thought

Transitions can feel like standing on the edge of something vast and unfamiliar - part terrifying, part exhilarating. It’s okay to cry on the drive home, it’s okay to relish the peace, and it’s okay to feel both loss and relief at once. By allowing yourself to feel, plan, reframe, and gently take steps into this next season, you’ll find your footing.

Remember, this isn’t just about letting go of your children, it’s also about rediscovering yourself.

If you’re navigating this stage and want a safe, supportive space to explore what’s next for you, my coaching programmes can help. You don’t have to figure it all out alone - sometimes a fresh perspective is all you need to see new possibilities.